by pat howard

IDOL VIRGIN | Top 11 ‘perform’

In Idol Virgin on March 24, 2010 at 9:27 am

This performance show is brought to you by Randy Jackson’s Bathrobe Sweaters. Cut the bottom half off a bathrobe, and you got yourself a sweater!

It was easily the worst night of the season, with many performances veering into excruciating territory. Ellen’s trademark babbling contributed almost nothing, and she should almost just give up or find a new role for herself. Perhaps in a move to draw attention away from the onstage travesties, the directing made onstage band members distractingly prominent through several songs. And the night’s singers fell into two categories, which we’ll borrow from Simon and call “chalk and cheese.”

  • Lee (“The Letter”) is finally loosening up on stage. I wasn’t wild about the Brian Setzer-y arrangement, but after two hours it did hold up as one of the better entries. A.
  • Paige (“Against All Odds”) was so, so bad. Awful doesn’t even begin to describe her give-up attitude and limp performance. Girl wasn’t even trying. F.
  • Tim (“Crazy Little Thing Called Love”) has embraced his base, Christian moms and daughters who drool over his perfectly hexagonal face. But dawg, when Ellen is talking crap about you, it must not have been great. D.
  • Aaron (“Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”) took his turn with the voice-impairing illness this week, and did well in spite of tonsillitis/laryngitis. His eventual surprise elimination in a few weeks will be sad and likely undeserved. B.
  • Crystal (“Me & Bobby McGee”) had it going on, right up to her hairstyle. This two-hour episode was driftwood until her stellar performance, and if this keeps up they should just cancel the final two months of the show and hand girl the title. A.
  • Mike (“When a Man Loves a Woman”) did great vocals, but was too stiff on stage. He was better in his tape with Miley Cyrus. This might be the time to mention that I don’t get the Big Mike thing from a longevity standpoint, though I doubt my opinion will stand in his way. B.
  • Andrew (“I Heard It Through the Grapevine”) did better than usual, which should not be interpreted as high praise. Other than the trenchcoat he wore, his moment was not special. D.
  • Katie (“Big Girls Don’t Cry”) was pitchy and hewed too close to the original song in my opinion. C.
  • Casey (“The Power of Love”) made an interesting song choice, and then didn’t go anywhere with it. The staging was weak and he is better than his performance last night. B.
  • Didi (“You’re No Good”) had a great look and a swagger that I liked. She has obviously developed over her time on the show. B.
  • Siobhan (“Superstition”) is so clearly comfortable on stage, but her lame song choice put the focus on the band at the expense of her vocals. B.

The worst one was so obviously Paige, which I think means someone else will get the boot tonight. I’m still trying to picture whether teen idols as a theme would’ve gone better than this Hot 100 #1s. Maybe they should’ve followed Katie’s lead and picked something more recent. No matter; the damage is already done.

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